That means, I did what any Type A would do. I went to college, graduated with honors and a BA in psychology. Went on to get a masters degree in mental health counseling and rocked a 4.0 like it was going out of style.
I worked as a therapist, and burned out pretty quickly not knowing how to handle my own sensitivity (and working with a really difficult population). Then I worked at a $45 million/year non-profit where I got 5 promotions in the span of about a year, and quickly rose to the Director position. And as if that wasn’t enough, decided it was time to go back and get my MBA (with a concentration in ethical leadership).
All while still battling crippling anxiety and intermittent depression.
Once I had the director position and the degrees, there wasn’t much else to chase. But hitting all the goals didn’t actually make me feel better. Like, at all. Everyone around me kept telling me how lucky I was to have my “dream job” at such a young age. Want to know what I thought every time I heard that?
“Is this what that’s supposed to FEEL like?”
In fact, I drove to work every morning asking myself, “Is this really all there is?” I kept wondering what was wrong with ME that I couldn’t feel fulfilled in the way everyone seemed to think I should.
So I did what any Type A would do… I devoted myself fully to my work, pushing my health, happiness, and relationships to the wayside.
I felt as if I were drowning every single day. Every time I tried to step away from my “dream job” I was overwhelmed by guilt, even spending my vacations glued to my phone and answering emails. My drive was quickly burning out. I knew there had to be more to life than a crazy commute, soul-sucking workplace politics, and the feeling of never getting it all done.
I was meant for something more, but I had no idea what it was or what it felt like.